The Tudors

Henry commands his people to swear an oath of “allegiance and recognition of the King’s supremacy” to both church and state, an oath Sir Thomas More is not wont to accept; the King’s womanizing ways are brought to the attention of Anne, who arranges, and gives her blessing to, his next mistress. Also, Anne has a confrontation with Henry’s daughter, Lady Mary.

Tracey Ullman’s State of the Union

TSA screener Chanel confiscates tweezers because they could be “pilot killers”; “iconic curmudgeon” Andy Rooney does a pointed essay on pencils; an artificially inseminated 70-year-old from Mississippi gives birth to a child who will be “convalescent-home schooled.” Ullman also impersonates Cameron Diaz and David Beckham.

The Tudors

Henry finally runs out of patience and weds a pregnant Anne in a secret ceremony; Cromwell is appointed chancellor after Thomas More steps down; the Pope condemns Henry’s behavior and threatens him with excommunication; Katherine is warned not to return to court; an assassin targets Anne.

Tracey Ullman’s State of the Union

Tracey Ullman portrays the most famous movie star in the African nation of Malawi who is in the U.S. to adopt an American child, and actress Judi Dench in an interview and clips from her latest film, a Martin Scorsese production in which she plays an Alzheimer’s victim.

Tracey Ullman’s State of the Union

Skits include Tracey Ullman portraying environmentalist Laurie David hitting on the pilot of her “green” jet, Arianna Huffington at a blogger awards show and Renee Zellwegger promoting her latest movie. Also: Padma the pharmacist performs a Bollywood production number about erectile dysfunction.

The Tudors

Henry engages in more attempts to undermine the Catholic Church’s power in England, and sends his personal chaplain (Hans Matheson) to Germany to learn more about the Lutherans; Anne decides it is time for her and the king to consummate their relationship; Charles Brandon begins to sow seeds of doubt regarding Anne’s virtue.

Tracey Ullman’s State of the Union

Tracey Ullman portrays a host of characters in day-in-the-life sketches about various U.S. residents, including Arianna Huffington, Tony “Paulie Walnuts” Sirico, Rita Cosby and David Beckham. She also plays Lindsay Lohan’s mother, the wife of a death-row inmate and an “undocumented worker from Bangladesh” who works for an elderly racist. Scott Bakula costars. Peter Strauss is the narrator.

The Tudors

Henry succeeds in having himself declared “Supreme Head of the Church and Clergy in England,” but with a caveat; Pope Paul III (Peter O’Toole) has his own idea about how to deal with the “Great Matter” of the king’s annulment; Henry selects an obscure cleric (Hans Matheson) to be his personal chaplain; an attempt is made on the life of Bishop Fisher (Bosco Hogan); Henry issues a command to Queen Katherine.

The L Word

Loyal and True – Helena’s return proves to be advantageous to Kit; Jodi surprises Bette with her latest “sculptural expression”; Tasha’s post-military career choice concerns Alice; Adele pulls an on-set power play that infuriates Tina; Phyllis confronts Shane about her relationship with Molly; emotional fireworks erupt at the film’s wrap party.

The L Word

“Lunar Cycle”

Adele shocks the producers of Lez Girls as she gathers everyone together to reveal a steamy sex tape between the film’s director and leading lady. With the film’s reputation at stake, she informs everyone of her blackmailing agenda. Breaking up is tough to do as Jodi returns to Bette for answers. Back at The Planet, the girls are outraged when SheBar owners Dawn Denbo and her lover Cindi announce their newest purchase.